First the good news [well its all pretty good news]:

I've lost 35lbs, I'm down to 115lbs. Getting more modeling work lined up as well. I have my band together The Dust Bunnies & Other Things Under The Couch [www.myspace.com/thedustbunnies13]. I no longer dance for Lollypop Tragedy but I have started Gothic Belly dancing, its definitely fun and a great workout.

I just recently started my professional fetish modeling career with 3DM Concepts for [link] [A few weeks ago]

Thats really where the loss of feelings for him came out. He tried to push me to do it without nudity and/or pay. I put my foot down with him about it. He gave up trying change my mind. But, really I didn't love him any more for a really long time.

He moved to another state for school, that furthered the void and caused more loss of communication as we both changed and developed into different people. Change is good, normally. Unfortunately, we changed with our separate lives. Making life more difficult. I found myself looking for solace in friends as he wasn't around I was being drug down into a deep depression. I so desperately wanted to escape my life. This went on for about a year.

Until about a week ago. He brought up the fact that I didn't call him anymore and that I didn't show him any affection when he visited. He asked me honestly how I felt and I said I didn't know but its not love. He then said I needed to decide what I wanted to do. I said fine and hung up. We didn't talk for a week. Then about 3 days he called me to see what I wanted to do. I said theres nothing we can do to fix our relationship, we both agreed it was best to end it.

I'll be moving out of here as soon as I have the money. We're moving on.

I'm moving on with my life and after 4 years its a bit scary. Change can be, but I know its needed. I'm happy things are finally settled and in safe way. I was afraid of something bad happening. Like a repeat of when broke up with an abusive ex boyfriend a few years ago.

But that story is for another time.... I'll try be keep things more updated

Thanks for reading...

Rose Noir